Sucky race....

OK, I'll start out with my thoughts on todays race at Fontana, California. SUCKY!!! OK, so yeah, Jr have never ran good there... He held true to that fact... He finished 32nd, 13 laps down. He blew out two tires... Hopefully, he'll get back in the swing of things in two weeks and kick some ass. Greg Biffle won the race, just to let you know...

In other news, the Eastern Eagles Varsity Basketball team kicked some major butt at the Convo in Athens yesterday. They beat the opposing team by 30 points. Quite a margin of victory!! They are in district tournament right now and are set to play the championship game on Friday. The team they will be playing is not all that good so there is a great possiblity the team with be playing at the Horse Barn in Columbus. They really are an excellent team and I love to cheer them on!!

OK, so now let me go back to selfish Lisa. I mean, heck, this is MY blog about MY life. hehehehe... OK, so I like to talk about myself. Anyway, I went out this Friday night again. I had a great time.... I even went to the super scary bar in the area. Karaoked all night long. It was really a blast. I have realized though that I need to quit going out every weekend. I need to just chill and focus on important stuff. I go out to keep from setting at home and thinking about things. I need to just learn to deal with it. I had plans on going to watch a local band play in Parkersburg Saturday night but my horse, Barbea, got really sick again and I spent the night with her. She is my world and I hate to see her in pain. I called the vet and she said she will have bad days with the medicine she is on. I just want to cry when I see her though. She knows I love her though and that I will do everything I can to help her feel better. I'm supposed to treat her with this medicine for a month so I hope that she will start to feel better and get back to normal.

Well, I had a dream last night. It was about my ex. It wasn't a sad dream, I mean, it didn't depress me when I got up or anything. It was just a truthful dream. You know, a very small part of me wants him back... I think everyone has that small part in them about their ex. Anyway, that small part of me never comes out, but it did in the dream. Me and him met up and we were driving around. He started talking just like he did before we split for good and I looked at him and asked him why he wasn't the person I fell in love with. He just looked at me with his blank stare. He really wasn't the person I fell in love with. It was really a pretty messed up dream. I mean, it was so real, he was so real, his blank stare was so real. It was like the last couple days we seen eachother. I found it weird I dreamed about him that way. I mean, my mind should have went back to happier times and made me dream about the guy I fell in love with. But, I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad my brain is reassuring me that being apart is the right thing. And it is. I realize it every day. I'm gonna make a "better off" CD, *my guy guy made me one when we first met, but I want to find songs that represent how I feel* The first song on the CD will be "Since You've Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. The song says, Since you've been gone, I can breathe for the first time, I'm so moving on thanks to you now I get what I want. I think that song fits me pretty well. It seems that now that he's gone, I go after the things I want. I don't settle, I don't just sit back and watch, I go for it. Not that he deserves any credit for that, but that's the way I really feel. Another song that is going on the CD is "My Happy Ending" By Avril Lavigne. This song says, You were everything, everything that I wanted we were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it and all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away all this time you were pretending so much for my happy ending. Now of course this was the way I felt. He pretended that he loved me for the entire time and I thought the world of him but then again, we lost it. I didn't, but he did. This song kinda keeps me intact from falling hard again. I'll just hold back and let the guy fall first from now on. So, anyway, that's all I have so far. I'll keep you posted when I come up with more. I'm gonna really search for the best songs for the "girl moving on". OK, well, the OSCARS are coming on so I'll I guess I'll write more later....

I've Been Thinkin.....

Well, I've spent the last couple of days thinkin about things.. Not sure why, just got my mind goin' and it hasn't stopped since. I have pondered everything under the sun.. Some of the people I talk to say things and I roll them around in my head too.

My first thought was of Mr. Taken. OK, so I believe if the timing was right, we could have probably been a pretty good couple, BUT the timing wasn't right. He made a promise to another girl so therefore I should leave it at that. You know, that's probably harder to swallow than my ex cheating on me. OK, not really, but it runs a close second.

Timing.... Why is my timing always wrong? If I would have met my ex 3 years later then we probably would be together forever. He would have had all the running and whoring around out of his system. We probably could have made it. But, see, I knew deep down we wouldn't and it was mostly directed at his age. But, then again, if my timing was different, I could possibly be the reason Mr. Taken's name is Mr. Taken. It seems like we would work well together. Even the discussion with one of our mutual friends points to us being a good couple. Maybe I would have found happiness with him and never met my ex. Course, in a way, that wouldn't have been a bad thing. I would have never been cheated on and hurt.

It's funny how things work out. Maybe Mr. Taken will marry this girl and live happily ever after. I kinda doubt that though. I think he has in the back of his mind an ounce of doubt that he is making a mistake. I kind of feel that when I'm around him. Of course, maybe that's fear. Fear of me and the fear that something could happen between him and I. I'm gonna back off of that though. I'm not going to put him in an uncomfortable position anymore. Of course, if he gets comfortable with me I don't know what I'll do. It's weird because it seems my brother doesn't object to my interest in him taken friend. Hmmmmmm.....

My next thought that I've been rolling around in my head. My mother told me last night that my ex yelled at her when she was shopping in his store. I don't know if she talked to him, I asked her and she said she didn't but I'm not sure if I believe her. I made the comment that she should have called him a "piece of shit". Why would he try to talk to my parents after what he did to me? Why does he expect the people that care about me to give a shit about him?? True, just because I hate him, it doesn't mean everyone else should. I just look at what he did and the character that he showed. I don't know about the rest of the world but I don't need a friend that is a liar and a cheater. I don't respect people like that. I would rather surround myself with people like me. People who know what's right and what is wrong. People who have morals. Like my friends. If I can't respect you, then you can't be a friend to me. I would hope that most of my friends...and family, would feel the same way. And he knows this, he should have enough respect for me, to stay away from my family. That's really all I want him to do. Just stay out of my life. I mean, he made that choice by cheating so he has to live with it... that means, without me and my family.

Another thought that drives me crazy. I work in a library. The branch I work at happens to be in a school. There are four branches of the library and probably close to 26 employees. There is a total of four employees that work at my branch. Any of the employees can work any branch. Well, I had Friday off. This is new for me because I have worked just about every Friday night til 8pm since I started in 2001. The other branches close at 6pm on Fridays except for the main branch where their are two employees that work til 9pm, but they are in rotation so one person does not work every Friday night. The only employee that works every Friday night is me. Well, this past month, the schedule got switched around to give another employee time off. This gave me Friday nights off this month. It has been great and I have taken advantage of every Friday. Well, last Friday, the main branch called the house at 9:15am and left a message for me to call back. Not knowing what they wanted, I went ahead with the things I had planned for the day, and forgot to call them back. I didn't work again until Tuesday morning. When I came in, I noticed a sign stating they have closed at 4pm on Friday. I had no clue why until my friend Cathy came in. the girl who was supposed to work Friday called off and since I didn't answer my phone, they just closed the branch at 4. OK, so is that the way to run a business??? I mean, seriously, the advertised hours are 8am to 8pm. How is it right to close a library just because Lisa didn't answer her phone?? What about the other 25 employees in the library? What about the supervisors who are supposed to cover when someone calls off?? What about the director who is supposed to keep things operational? What kind of management is that? If they called me at 9:15am, they had almost 7 hours to find someone to work it. 7 hours!! It really does disgust me. What are they going to do when I find a better job? They don't even realize how much I mean to them. Can you believe that?? So, anyway, now you can see why I am down on my place of employment. The management is so immature, it hurts me to think I have to take orders from them. Plus, they make really good money, tax payers money. It's just crazy.....

OK, so enough with the ranting and raving of 'things-that-piss-me-off'. I hope I get a call for an interview for that other job I applied for. I would love to see how the management handles having to find someone to cover my shifts...aka, shit shifts. I would love to finally be somewhere where I can respect the management and look up to them for the great job they do. I would rather be happy with my career than have a man right now. That's what I need to focus on and let this stupid man stuff go. Quit thinking about my ex, my guy guy, and Mr. Taken. I need to start thinking about Miss Lisa and her career. Miss Lisa and your own life. It's time to make it happen.....

DAYTONA 500!!!

OK, so the racing season has officially started!!!! GAWD, I love it!!! There is nothing that makes me happier than watching racing... well, besides being there... I still hold on to the dream that me and Dale Jr would be the perfect couple. I do believe that too because we have tons in common. I know, I have no chance in hell but you gotta have a dream!! Although I love racing, when the season starts, I get depressed.. Every year, I think about my career dream of working with NASCAR. I would love to be there on the job... you know what I mean? Anyway, it's still great to watch the race.

So I spent my Saturday night alone... It was by choice because I got a little out of hand Friday night. I had a great time with my friends but I didn't need to drink as much as I did. I did some stupid things that I need to keep from doing again. All in all though, it was great not being alone.. Got hit on by several different guys. That was pretty cool but all the hits came when I was trying to hit on my brother's friend. Damn it!! I mean, I know he's engaged but maybe he's making a mistake. I mean, maybe she won't make him happy.... Anyway, so while I was trying to talk to him, this other guy decided to hit on me... It really sucked because I never got a chance to work my magic on Mr. taken.. Maybe it's for the best.

Still haven't heard from my guy guy. Go figure... It's soo respectable to just leave a girl hangin'. I thought he was a pretty cool guy but I at least deserve a "screw you" phonecall. You know.... geez!!! Well, I guess I should cut this post short and focus on my race!!! Go Jr!!!

Day after Loser Lisa Day....

Well well well... I made it through the dreaded Loser Lisa Day... Didn't really get down. Probably what bothered me the most was the fact that I haven't heard from my guy guy. But, you know, I figured it out, I should just realize that I am right and not be surprised... which I'm not really. Just kinda up in the air about it I guess. I mean, I've got new prospects in the works. One I really think would be a fun time. We will call him blue eye guy. So, I'm supposed to go out with blue eye guy next weekend. He lives a couple of hours away but I think it would be worth the trip. He seems really nice. I'll keep you posted on that one. Other than that, I'm starting to feel really single. You know, when you feel totally alone. Not depressed, but alone. As long as I keep an interest in someone, I'm good. That's all I need..Plus, race season is here!!!

Since race season is back, I have one more friend I'll be talking to regularly. That's my racing buddy... the one I was with when my ex cheated. He's a huge race fan like I am and we talk shop all the time. He was once the perfect guy in my eyes... but he was the first person to not be interested in me. I chased him, caught him, but he threw me back. It wasn't bad though, I got an awesome racing buddy from it. At least he was up front about it. Now, he did send me some mixed signals too but in the end, he was up front. I respect that, unlike my guy guy...

On another note, a wonderful thing happened today. A great experience in adulthood!! I officially OWN my car today!!! It is mine!! I have been paying on it for years. Today, I walked into the bank, wrote out a check and paid off my loan.... Gotta love tax refund money!! Now, I will have more money to pocket each month... well, ok, to save!! Man, it was the best feeling... To know that I own something... If someone would sue me, there is actually something they could take from me... now I just need to get my student loan paid off and I will be somewhat debt free.... Ha, that will be years and years down the road... But hey, I OWN my car!!! It's mine!! I was doing the happy dance all the way out of the bank (ok, not really but I was dancing in my head!!). Anyway, maybe things are starting to look up for me... hopefully I will hear from that job and begin another chapter of my life, not based on a man!!! Based on me and my career, the only thing I really see in my future!!! Come on life, I'm ready!!!

I guess life still goes on...

Well, another boring weekend. I went out with friends on Friday night and sat home and watched the Budweiser Shootout on Saturday night. Nothing exciting happened. And even the race sucked. It just seems like my life is at a standstill. Friday afternoon I had lunch with my good friend, Dave. He always makes me feel like I am a valuable person... I mean, he believes great things are going to happen for me. Its always awesome to be around him because he thinks highly of me. I guess I don't get that feeling from too many people. I let me in on a job opening too which I greatly appreciate. I came home and did everything I needed to apply and mailed it out on Saturday. Maybe things are looking up, it's just happening really slow. Another friend also made the comment that I am too educated to be doing the job I'm doing. I believe that too. I've got my fingers crossed for this job I applied for and I hope that something great will come of it.

On the personal side, well, it's at a stand still. I haven't heard from my guy guy since I talked to him on Tuesday night... this is not a shocking surprise to me based on my revolution that he just wants to be friends... a small part of me wants to be wrong though, but usually on these matters, I'm dead on.. I have been talking to other guys but it seems I can't really let go of my guy guy. I need too. I need to just do my own thing and get him off my mind... Maybe I'll meet someone who can do that for me. I mean, my guy guy did that for my thoughts of my ex, so maybe someone else will come along and take my mind off things.. that would nice.

Anyway, my horse still isn't feeling well. It's really getting me down in the dumps to see her like that. Hopefully, I'll hear from the vet tomorrow and the healing process can begin. The stress is not a good thing to deal with... I just want her back to normal.

Well, let us not forget about Loser Lisa Day tomorrow. That ought to do me a world of good. My girl friend that I hang out with on the weekends has been chasing after a friend of mine. He's kinda weird but she was doing pretty good with him. Last night, they went out and he told her he needed to focus on his job so he doesn't want a girlfriend and he doesn't want to lead her on. What a crock!! BUT, at least she got an excuse. My guy guy didn't even do that for me. I would settle for a puthetic line like that. Just to KNOW that he didn't want to be with me. That would probably help me out a ton. Oh well, I just talk with my friends who are out of state, the unobtainable ones and think about if I was near them, they would date me. I guess I have to hang on to that thought so I don't feel totally worthless. Guys don't know what they do to girls when they don't give answers, they just walk away. I mean, I think I deserve an explaination about what is wrong with me. What I can fix to be attractive to a man. See, I'm blaming myself and I don't even know if I'm the one to blame for him not calling. Maybe his issues weigh heavier on him than I thought they did. Well, you know, don't ask someone out if you aren't completely ready. And seriously, I'm not talking about anything serious. I don't think I've ever given that impression, I just wanna hang with him and have fun. He shouldn't put himself out there is he doesn't want someone to grab ahold. Oh well, another lesson learned by Lisa. Damn, I'm gonna be a dating genius by the end of all this.... Well, back to the drawing board...

I figured it out....

OK, so last night I was lying in bed and I figured out what's going on between me and my guy guy.. We are just friends.. That's it. It has to be that. I rehashed the things we talked about on the phone Tuesday night and he said something to make me believe he might have wanted more but in a state of almost sleep I realized, he would ask a 'friend' to do the same thing. I guess I was just dumb and wasn't picking up on it. I mean, there were tell tale signs a couple of weeks ago that something might have been there but I think that fizzled out and I had to make that stupid comment about if he just wanted to be friends, that's cool with me... but, see I made that comment way before the actual signs took place so you can see where I might become confused. It's OK now. I figured it out. Not to say that if he did want something else I wouldn't jump on it, I just have to focus my energy elsewhere and just look at him as a friend. I guess I can do that.

On another note, a co-worker called me yesterday to inform me that my ex was in her branch and started talking to her about what went on between me and him. I never really told her the entire story because I don't see her often and we are not that close but she said that he said he cheated on me. She told him she didn't know what he was talking about. Which is cool. Now he knows that I didn't talk about it to everyone. It ticks me off that he has to bring it up. Oh well, ole chunky butt can hang out in town, being all cool with his speakers blasting. A true sign of an intelligent individual.

The only reason I brought up this incident was because it didn't bother me. I am really doing better. I was glad to hear that she had my back and wasn't all nice and cheery to him. I do like that. Plus, he knew it would get back to me that he was in there. Well, I don't really care. As long as he respects me enough to not come to my branch, I'm OK with it. I mean, I don't go to his workplace. Instead I drive another 15 minutes to go to another store. Yeah, it sucks that I let him change the things I used to do before I met him but to avoid any weird feelings, I'll take the extra time, plus there is a chance I could run into someone new at the other store.

Anywho, the equine vet is coming today to look at BarBea, my horse. She hasn't been feeling well for the past two weeks and I want to help her feel better. The woman is 50 minutes away so it's gonna cost me for the house call but you know, I would pay anything to get her feeling better. She is my pride and joy. I love her to death. I've had her for 13 years and whenever I'm down, I just go out and hang out in the stall with her. And whenever she's down, I do the same thing. I get up every two hours and check on her. It will be nice if the vet can fix her... I'll keep you posted!

Me and BarBea
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Revolution!!!

OK, so I had a rough day... Today was the two month mark for well... a certain thing. I'm kinda getting aggitated at my guy guy for not stepping it up. It's is just weird how he is. But, when I get on the phone with him, I get sucked into his...well, his 'funness'. It's weird. It's like everything I was mad at him for, disappears and I smile like a little school girl. Anyway, I need to give up on him but I'm just not willing to yet. I did talk to a NASCAR guy today. Well, not actually NASCAR but a racer. So, I'm interested in him but I have this hang up with my guy guy.. I guess, he got to my heart first. Anyway, it's just all really weird at the moment.

So I decided to hang at my guy buddy's apartment tonight. I had plans on going to my guy guy's house. I was all dolled up and stuff... even had the dreaded thong.. I don't wear them for fun, you know. Anyway, I ended up at my buddy's watching TV. Well, I left about 15 till 11pm. I figured I would swing thru Wendy's on my way home and get something to eat (breaking my 'don't eat after dark' diet or as my guy guy would say, the 'Rock Star' diet), well, who happened to be setting in the parking lot with some other hoods....yep, my ex. Can you believe that?!?!! I had just got done telling my guy buddy about not seeing him since mid december and I see him there. But you know, I didn't get freaked about it. A tiny knot in my stomach but nothing major. The biggest thing for me was to see that he had put on weight. He was not the guy I fell in love with. Not at all. He isn't model material. He's not even "want back" material. I'm glad. I'm glad to know that that part of my life is fading away. All the crazy feelings I had for him are slowly leaving me a better, more beautiful person. I really will be fine!! I never really believed that until tonight. He was hanging out with this trunk up with his speakers on display just like every other kid that hangs out in town. The ones I always thought were horribly stupid. That is what he was gonna be before he met me. I'm glad he's back on track!! I'm glad he is the person I didn't want to date. Of course, his girl wasn't with him so that made it easy on me. After the night I had, I probably would have lost it!! But all is well in Lisaville!! The sun will rise tomorrow to a beautiful day. I love it.....welcome, my new life....

Ha....I laugh at myself....

Hehehehe.... when I closed out my last post, I thought I would have something interesting to post after the weekend....hahahahahah.. boy was I wrong... Yeah, it seems my guy guy calls every day but Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. So I didn't do much. Saturday night I did get my guy buddy to go to Athens with me to the bars and we met my girl friend there. It was a pretty good time. Of course I called my guy guy after I was out and about. I didn't want to call him while I was setting at home. I didn't want him to think that I just set around and wait for him to call. Although I really sorta do. I have decided not to worry about the situation. I called him and told him I wanted to hang out this week sometime. After that, whatever happens happens. I don't know what he wants from me, I don't know how to handle the situation, I don't know what's going on. I don't want to say I don't think he's interested because I think he is... at least interested in something.. Maybe just being my friend, maybe more. I really don't know. I also don't know how to approach the subject. I mean, right now, I think he has more issues than I do. I could go either way. I could fall really hard if I let myself, or I could just be a friend to him. All he has to do is point me in whatever direction he wants me to go. I could be a kick ass girlfriend to him, or I could be a kick ass friend. Course, I would have to focus on finding someone else.. but I would still be his friend.

I just know that my ex is pretty much outa my head. I'm ready for anything thats thrown at me....I think... I did find myself analyzing why I go to bars every weekend. It's because it's a guaranteed place for me not to run into my ex. He's only 20 so he can't get into bars. I guess that's a little messed up but at least I am moving on. At least I would like too. Well, Loser Lisa Day (aka Valentine's Day) is just around the corner. Not that it bothers me to be alone, I just know it's gonna be a hard day. He has someone new and the last time I felt really loved by him was last year on Valentine's Day (now known as Loser Lisa Day). Oh well, it's one of those hurdles you have to jump on the road to recovery.

Anyway, I yeah, I don't get why he doesn't call on the weekends. I don't get why he doesn't ask me out all week long when he calls. Do I need to ask him out?? Do I need to call him on the weekends?? Someone help me out!! I'm clueless.. I mean, I don't know... Geez.... Oh well, I guess I'll get off here. Maybe get in the hot tub...alone.... yeah, I know.... I'm a loser....

Geez... I suck....

OK, so yet again I am behind on my posts. I guess when things are going good, I don't feel the need to write about it. But, I wanna take the good with the bad, so I need to keep up on it all. I tend to focus too much on the negative... I need to stop that. OK, well, this week has been pretty good. I haven't spent all that much time at home which is totally cool.

OK, so monday I was home.... My guy guy called me to tell me he was playing at a bar on Tuesday night. We all know I bailed on the two times he played last week so Miss Lisa stepped it up and went. I called my guy buddy and we headed to Athens to watch my guy guy play. It was a really good time. He is really talented and that just makes him that much more attractive. I think he was kinda impressed that I showed up. And I was impressed that he spent most of the time talking to me. So, after listening to all the bands play I came home.

Wednesday I had to work all day long. While I was at work, my other like-a-brother friend called and wanted me to go with him and another friend to a bar to watch a Ring Girls competition. So, of course I went. Beats setting at home. Course if I was setting at home cuddling with my guy guy, I would have turned down the offer, but hey, might as well live up this single life. It was a good time, like always. I am glad I have friends like that. Ones that call me on a whim and invite me out. I totally enjoy hanging out, no matter what we do.

Today, my guy buddy came over and we watched "King Arthur". Not nearly as good as "Troy" but still entertaining. Anyway, I guess that sums up my week. Man, it was more exciting than it sounded. Oh well, maybe I'll have something exciting to report after this weekend... Course, maybe not. My guy guy hasn't mentioned spending any time with me this weekend. I can always hang with my friends, but me and him has something we need to pick up from where we left off last weekend. Oh well, we'll see....