Downhill slowly....

Well, in case you didn't pick up on the fact that I only post when things aren't going good, they aren't. My personal life is eating me again. You know when you get that feeling someone doesn't want to be with you and you start to look back at the last month and realize that they probably didn't want to be with you at all, well that's what I'm going through. No breakup has occurred....yet... I left a message telling him we needed to talk since I haven't heard from him in two days. I figure the end is near, and he will make the decision. Or....maybe he already has.. I got some information today that tore my heart out alittle bit. Stuff I wasn't expecting and stuff that has made me start to realize things I hadn't noticed. Me, living in my own little world again.... go figure... Now, I'm setting here alone, rehashing everything that has happened in the last month. Filtering out all the 'I love yous' and 'I want to be with you forevers', I come to realize, I don't think he actually loves me. I'm not sure why, I just have that feeling... and usually the feeling doesn't lie. That's hard because lately, I have really been loving him... No, he's not my perfect man and he isn't great to me, for some reason, just him being there was enough for me. I guess I am really niave. I don't know what is going to happen but I have decided that if it's meant to be, it will be. I have no control and I can't make him love me. I can only do the best that I can do and give someone the best that I can give. Other than that, I'm lost.....

HOLY CRAP!!!!

Did you see American Idol last night????

Freakin' Chris got voted off..... Shocking!!!

I had him picked to go the the end and win it and now, he's gone. Unbelieveable!!!

I bet Taylor will come out on top or maybe the sleeper, Elliott... Both incredible vocal singers... Elliott especially. Katherine is also extremely talented but she has been over singing her songs the last several weeks. I had her going to the top two with Chris but I don't know is she's got the personality to stay. Chris didn't have a stand out personality, he just has the awesome rock sound that is ready for radio. He'll get a deal, no doubt.

How about Deal or No Deal. The dude was the mascot at Ohio University from up near my neck of the woods. They even had the OU band on. That was totally cool. I hope he does well!!! Keep watchin!!! Reality TV is getting good!!!

May Days....

Well, it's been a long while since I've posted. I can't really say a lot hasn't happened but I don't even know where to start. I have some stress to deal with right now. Nothing to really worry too much about but my landlord is selling the house I live in and I'm househunting. That's a really scary thing. A huge huge step to growing up. It will probably all end well but I guess I can't relax until it happens for me. Work is going great and my friends are awesome. Jury's out on the personal life but if it's meant to be, it will be.

I saw "Ice Age II: The Meltdown" and it wasn't as good as the original but still made me laugh. I got my stuffed Sid doll for Easter. My mom lucked out finding the last one at her local Walmart so I got it in my easter basket.

Today, a couple of my closest friends down here are getting married. I value their friendship and I guess they appreciate me also. I helped them out with some things and they got me a Ride-Along pass for the Richard Petty Driving Experience. I never expected them to do something like that for me. It was an awesome surprise and made me feel really really cared for. I wish I felt that way around other people.

You know, some people can throw the word 'love' around like it's nothing. Some think that one word can fix all the bad that has occurred but I've come to realize, you can't pay attention to the word, but the actions. The actions people display can tell you the true story. Just like the Ride-Along gift told me that they really cared for me. I guess I always doubt how much I mean to people and my self-esteem problem really keeps me down. One of my best friends has spent the week trying to get me to see that. I deserve better in life. I deserve respect and love. I'm a good person and I'm good to people. That doesn't go unnoticed.

Well, I guess this post has been pretty scatter-brained but I am kinda scatter-brained right now... I guess I should head to the YMCA and sweat it off. I love you all, and I appreciate you stopping by and reading....