It's funny...

You know it's funny, I've been trying to write on here for the last couple of months and I would get a couple of drafts going and then forget about them.  I didn't sleep very well last night so I needed to share some feelings.  OK, here it is... I'm lonely.  It's been almost a year since I was in a relationship and I'm starting to realize one of my first fears... I might be alone for the rest of my life.  That also goes along with my other fear of failure.  Don't think I'm writing this because I want any of my exes back or anything.  I just want someone.   

I realize I've been in love 2 times, well, actually 3 but I don't count my first love.  But two major times where I thought I could be with this person for the rest of my life.  Yeah, it hurt when it ended but it was great to feel that way.  Now, that's all I want.  Someone I can feel the rest of my life with.  I have become extremely picky and I am actually suffering because of it.  I am making myself alone.  

I use the word "ALONE" alot when in actuality, I am far from being alone.  I have many people asking me out... There just isn't that spark.  Should probably give them a chance, maybe the spark will happen but for some reason, I have to have that spark.  

I've decided that I need one of three good things to happen for me...

One - to meet Mr. Right.  I'm in a kinda rut right now and I am just looking for one shining star.  If I found someone, Happiness would return for a while.

Two - get my dream job.  I moved down here for a reason and the longer I don't have my job or a shadow of what job I want, then the failure feeling persists.

Three - find a house.  If I could find my house in my price range, that would make me happy.  I need only one of the three to turn my life around.  Right now I'm cruising thru my life and it isn't bad, I just need to take an exit to make it more exciting.  

Hopefully the next time I post, I will have good news to report...