I'll admit...

I don't have that much pride to admit that... well, I miss my ex. OK, so I don't have that many days that I miss him, but well, I've had a couple to drink and I started thinking back to the good times. Things that either one of us could have done differently to change the way things went... There's a song out on the radio now. It's called "Hate Me" by Blue October... That song just really hits me. The lyrics that mean the most to me are...

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so f*cking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

I hear that song and I just wanna cry. I mean, this guy got sober after the girl who loved him and tried to help him finally left for good. I don't ever want that. I mean, I want everyone to solve their problems and get better... but if someone is gonna thank me for all the love and support I gave, I don't want them to do it after the fact you know... I would like to remind you that I have had a few drinks and I'm in my "thinking" state right now... I guess I just wish I could have helped....

Anywho... On a lighter note... Vegas is doing great!! She's on the couch chewing on one of my bras as I type... She is the reason I smile every day now. Also, my best friend... We're going out to eat tomorrow and I think I could spend every day with her and still be totally in love with her... I'm so thankful I have her around... We have a great time together and she's always there for me, even though she has tons going on in her own life... she's there... I would like to say, I love my life... yeah, I have some missing pieces at the moment but what I do have is the best ever... Things are going my way... I just gonna live in the now and not in the past... because NOW is good....