I've Been Thinkin.....

Well, I've spent the last couple of days thinkin about things.. Not sure why, just got my mind goin' and it hasn't stopped since. I have pondered everything under the sun.. Some of the people I talk to say things and I roll them around in my head too.

My first thought was of Mr. Taken. OK, so I believe if the timing was right, we could have probably been a pretty good couple, BUT the timing wasn't right. He made a promise to another girl so therefore I should leave it at that. You know, that's probably harder to swallow than my ex cheating on me. OK, not really, but it runs a close second.

Timing.... Why is my timing always wrong? If I would have met my ex 3 years later then we probably would be together forever. He would have had all the running and whoring around out of his system. We probably could have made it. But, see, I knew deep down we wouldn't and it was mostly directed at his age. But, then again, if my timing was different, I could possibly be the reason Mr. Taken's name is Mr. Taken. It seems like we would work well together. Even the discussion with one of our mutual friends points to us being a good couple. Maybe I would have found happiness with him and never met my ex. Course, in a way, that wouldn't have been a bad thing. I would have never been cheated on and hurt.

It's funny how things work out. Maybe Mr. Taken will marry this girl and live happily ever after. I kinda doubt that though. I think he has in the back of his mind an ounce of doubt that he is making a mistake. I kind of feel that when I'm around him. Of course, maybe that's fear. Fear of me and the fear that something could happen between him and I. I'm gonna back off of that though. I'm not going to put him in an uncomfortable position anymore. Of course, if he gets comfortable with me I don't know what I'll do. It's weird because it seems my brother doesn't object to my interest in him taken friend. Hmmmmmm.....

My next thought that I've been rolling around in my head. My mother told me last night that my ex yelled at her when she was shopping in his store. I don't know if she talked to him, I asked her and she said she didn't but I'm not sure if I believe her. I made the comment that she should have called him a "piece of shit". Why would he try to talk to my parents after what he did to me? Why does he expect the people that care about me to give a shit about him?? True, just because I hate him, it doesn't mean everyone else should. I just look at what he did and the character that he showed. I don't know about the rest of the world but I don't need a friend that is a liar and a cheater. I don't respect people like that. I would rather surround myself with people like me. People who know what's right and what is wrong. People who have morals. Like my friends. If I can't respect you, then you can't be a friend to me. I would hope that most of my friends...and family, would feel the same way. And he knows this, he should have enough respect for me, to stay away from my family. That's really all I want him to do. Just stay out of my life. I mean, he made that choice by cheating so he has to live with it... that means, without me and my family.

Another thought that drives me crazy. I work in a library. The branch I work at happens to be in a school. There are four branches of the library and probably close to 26 employees. There is a total of four employees that work at my branch. Any of the employees can work any branch. Well, I had Friday off. This is new for me because I have worked just about every Friday night til 8pm since I started in 2001. The other branches close at 6pm on Fridays except for the main branch where their are two employees that work til 9pm, but they are in rotation so one person does not work every Friday night. The only employee that works every Friday night is me. Well, this past month, the schedule got switched around to give another employee time off. This gave me Friday nights off this month. It has been great and I have taken advantage of every Friday. Well, last Friday, the main branch called the house at 9:15am and left a message for me to call back. Not knowing what they wanted, I went ahead with the things I had planned for the day, and forgot to call them back. I didn't work again until Tuesday morning. When I came in, I noticed a sign stating they have closed at 4pm on Friday. I had no clue why until my friend Cathy came in. the girl who was supposed to work Friday called off and since I didn't answer my phone, they just closed the branch at 4. OK, so is that the way to run a business??? I mean, seriously, the advertised hours are 8am to 8pm. How is it right to close a library just because Lisa didn't answer her phone?? What about the other 25 employees in the library? What about the supervisors who are supposed to cover when someone calls off?? What about the director who is supposed to keep things operational? What kind of management is that? If they called me at 9:15am, they had almost 7 hours to find someone to work it. 7 hours!! It really does disgust me. What are they going to do when I find a better job? They don't even realize how much I mean to them. Can you believe that?? So, anyway, now you can see why I am down on my place of employment. The management is so immature, it hurts me to think I have to take orders from them. Plus, they make really good money, tax payers money. It's just crazy.....

OK, so enough with the ranting and raving of 'things-that-piss-me-off'. I hope I get a call for an interview for that other job I applied for. I would love to see how the management handles having to find someone to cover my shifts...aka, shit shifts. I would love to finally be somewhere where I can respect the management and look up to them for the great job they do. I would rather be happy with my career than have a man right now. That's what I need to focus on and let this stupid man stuff go. Quit thinking about my ex, my guy guy, and Mr. Taken. I need to start thinking about Miss Lisa and her career. Miss Lisa and your own life. It's time to make it happen.....