Happy New Years... Hello 2005!!!

Well, 2004 was a big year for me. Well, only the last couple of months. Not as in a good big year but an eventfull one. I experienced what really being in love with someone felt like. I experienced being completely heartbroken by the one you love. And I experienced the pain of being cheated on. I have went through soo many emotions lately that I'm not sure where I'm at right now. Today, I'm doing really good. I brought in the new year with most of my closest friends and with a guy by my side. That was a huge step in the move on direction. I'm not completely there. I guess I just won't let myself feel too much for this guy because most of my heart still belongs to my ex but I'm slowly getting it back. It's not like my ex didn't toss it back at me when he got his new girlfriend.

I just wonder if he's finding it different like I am. I mean, I figure if you are attracted to someone and they are nice and fun, you should be able to just move on. I mean, I wonder if he ever thinks of me while he's with her. I do him. Not that I want too, he just kinda jumps in on occasion. Kinda like that damn angel/devil thing that sits on your shoulders and whispers in your ear. When I'm having a good time, he's setting there saying, "you shouldn't be having fun. You are in love with me. You told me so. You shouldn't be smiling at this guy. That was my smile." I hate that little voice. I would love to drop kick his ass outa my head. I want to smile at this guy. He's nice and cute and funny and even interesting. Why shouldn't I smile at him? Love freakin sucks!!

Anywho, I smiled at him alot last night. I smiled at him until 6:30am this morning. He's a totally different person than my ex. I have to be the aggresive one. Which is kinda fun, but it also makes me feel that he's not into me....Geez, I better go back and read the book again. I don't remember what it said about these situations. See, now I'm gonna overanalyze it. Oh well, I'll just go with the flow. It's not like I'm really ready for serious anyway.

So the New Years Party was pretty fun. We played darts and Catchphrase which is the best board game ever. Drank alot and ate a little. Everyone got along and even welcomed in the newbies of the group. My friends never cease to amaze me. They are just the greatest people on the face of this earth. I hope everyone can have friends like mine. I know a lot of people don't. They don't experience true friendship, like they don't experience true love. I don't believe my life would be worth living if I didn't have my friends. How do people with no friends function??? I guess I should just ask my ex... OK, so that was mean but, yeah, he deserves it!! Anyway, I hope everyone else has a great new year and I hope 2005 has a lot in store for my life...