Well, Christmas is over.... Hooray!!

Sorry I missed a day. I actually spent the day with a good friend of mine. He knew I was down on Christmas so he helped me take my mind off of it*no, not that way!!*. Then I stopped and talked to a friend I hadn't seen in over a year. It was good to catch up and remember that there are still a lot of people out there that love me. That's a nice thought. I also spent a lot of time on the phone with a guy... yeah, not a friend guy but a guy guy. A possiblity. That was really cool too. It's nice to think there are other possiblities out there. I talked a lot about my ex but of course this guy was aware of my situation and my state of depression. It's just nice when someone reaffirms that I should have been upset with my ex's actions. That helps a lot. Not that this guy is perfect but at least he thinks my ex was a dick... I would hate to think I was looking for a rebound, but I think that's natural. I definitely don't want anything serious right now. It wouldn't be fair to the guy because of my current state. You know, this guy said something about sometimes people just fall out of love. Maybe at one time my ex did love me, but maybe he just fell out of love with me. I kinda feel like, me being his first girlfriend, I just trained him how to be a boyfriend and he thought he would go out and try it with someone else. That's kinda the way I feel right now. I just want a guy who is the same person if he's with me or without me. I feel like my ex was a totally different person when I wasn't by his side.

Maybe I should have never trusted him. But the truth is, I did trust him, I didn't trust all the little girls who came into his workplace and flirted with him. I didn't think he was strong enough to avoid temptation and I was right. You know, when we were dating about 4 months before we broke up, he had three different girls' name and phone numbers in his cell. I didn't make it a habit to go through his cell phone but that day I happened to pick it up. The first two names were girls and then the fourth one was a girl too. OK, one I might have let slip by. I thought three was a little much. Of course these were girls who came into his workplace and flirted with him. He said they TOOK his cellphone from him and put there numbers in themselves. Well, if it were me, I would have grabbed it out of their hands. Plus, you know he was interested in them cause if they were ugly he would have taken it away from them. I think that is when I realized that he didn't love me anymore. I guess I was right. He had three opportunities in his phone, why did he need me other than the fact that I took him places and did fun things with him. Oh well, that should have told me the kind of person he was....but I loved him and I wanted to believe he loved me..wanted to believe he was my prince charming.... ok, so I was stupid... a love fool. Gawd, though, the idea of being in love is great. I'm starting to think I'm in love with the idea of being in love. I loved the falling, I just hated hitting the bottom....