Merry Christmas, Bah Humbug....

The Dean Grandkids!! 

OK, Christmas day.... It had it's ups and downs. I got alot of nice stuff, I got to see my cousins who I adore and I actually had a good time. The downs, I cried for about 15 minutes, realized I was alone, and he texted me a merry christmas wish. You know, I messaged him back and told him it was hard without him. He said his was different, meaning different girl. Don't get me wrong, it was nice to see his message. It was like the calm before the storm. My heart skipped a beat and I think it might have even smiled....then I realized what he was doing. It was the pity text. It was the 'I-know-she's-still-hurting-lets-make-her-day' text. That is the last thing I want is pity. I know, reading my blogs you are probably thinking, oh, she wants us to pity her. Not true... I don't want anyone to forget that I am writing this for my own self. Something that I can look back on and see my progress and remember my hurt so it never happens to me again.

I was proud of my family. It took my Grandma 3 hours before she made the 'lisa/marriage' comment. A little later, she even said his name. Ouch. I think she wanted to take it back as soon as she said it. Course then she made a comment about my coat being to small, it wouldn't go around me. Huge self esteem boost!! Loved it. You know, I let her get away with things like that. The most hurtful part of Christmas was my Mother asking me if I had a good Christmas and if I got everything I wanted. I shook my head 'yes' and tears started to roll. She saw and turned and walked away. A hug would have been nice. That's all. Just a hug. Both my parents noticed I was down in the dumps. I didn't get a hug from either one. It's OK though, that's not a common occurance in my family. It would have been nice though. Oh well, I just need to realize I can't get that kind of support from my immediate family. Luckily I have friends for that. Don't get me wrong, I have a great awesome family. They would do anything for me. But they would rather buy me happiness than do anything emotional. I guess I'm just not a very material person.

All in all, I think I half way enjoyed my single depressed Christmas. Had some laughs, I was surrounded by great people and realized I have the best family in the world. Any guy would be lucky to join our family, but you got to be pretty special to fit our mold.. I guess I just need to keep looking... Merry Christmas everyone...