First day of a series of long days.....

Today was my first day of my 17 day vacation. It hasn't started out all that good. Today I went shopping. My usual get alittle dressed up in case I meet someone.... of course I didn't and I got depressed by all the couples that were shopping hand in hand. Seriously, where and how are you supposed to meet new people?? I mean, I think about how I found my ex and you know, it just kinda happened. He came into where I worked. I wasn't looking for him, he just found me. But, I don't believe I can set back and rely on that method. I would like too, but if I did that, the depression would eat me alive. I need someone to occupy my mind until I let go of my feelings for my ex.

I keep thinking about how much better I am doing day by day. A song played today while I was shopping, "Stay Gone" by Jimmy Wayne, wow are the words in that song true. As long as he stays gone, I will get better. I would love to be able to talk to him every day and tell him whats going on with me but I can't. I can't handle it that way. Plus the longer I'm away from him, I realize that I had created the person I was in love with, it wasn't the real him. I do believe there is someone out there for me that is everything I want, but I don't think I will find him here. I really need to move away and start fresh somewhere else.

A friend stopped in and saw me last night at work. He has been like a brother to me for years. He just went through a divorce and is having a hard time. He was with this girl for a total of a year and five months (in which time they got married and separated). Me and my ex were together a year and four months....then the other foot dropped and I found out who he really is. No one should jump into marriage that fast.

Anyway, he just found out that one of his best friends slept with his ex wife. I had heard the rumors but I didn't believe them, but he finally got the truth from her. I can't even imagine how a friend can do that. I don't think I could handle a friend backstabbing me like that. I could tell in his eyes he was really truly hurt. It hurt me to see him like that. That would push me over the edge. The unspoken rules in a friendship should never be broken. I know that men are different from women and they can pick back up and be friends but to me, I don't need a friend who would do that to me. I trust my friends with my life. I also believe I am a very good friend. Just like I am in relationships, I am very loyal, honest, trustworthy, and I would do anything to make a friend happy or smile. Listening isn't a strong point for me but I even try to do my best with that if a friend is in need. But, you don't just become my friend, you have to earn it. Friend is not a loose term I use. If you are my friend, you are in a handpicked group of great people. Everyone else is an aquaintance. So remember, do not stab your friends in the back, they will be there when no one else will. "friends are the family you chose"....