Being Single Sucks...

Good news, I'm not depressed because I don't have him anymore. Now I'm just depressed because I have no one to cuddle with. Yeah, I know, I'm not even really a cuddler but you know, I guess I really miss that. I miss sharing the couch with someone. I miss touching someone. You know, in the I'm-comfortable-with-you touching. When you are dating someone, you don't think about how close you are sitting and your bodies touching. You do when you are single. You don't want to invade anyone's personal space. I know when I went bowling with my friends, I started thinking about that.

One of my bestest friends is a guy. We've been friends since kindergarten when I would get in trouble during nap time because he would always sleep and I would always talk. In sixth grade I had the biggest crush on him. That lasted up until the eighth grade. He is really very attractive but of course you don't see that when you are close friends. I am sure he gets his share of looks from the girls but the poor guy has a hard time with relationships too. He is a truly nice guy, but for some reason girls don't want a nice guy. Which is kind of funny because I thought I had a nice guy, what every girl wanted but then he turned out to be an a$$ so I guess that is why I was attracted to him. Hell, I've never really dated a nice guy.

Anyway, when I was setting beside him, I was probably too close. I guess since were friends, he probably didn't really mind but of course I look back and think, I probably shouldn't have been that close. I just miss that. I miss feeling someone elses body heat warming me up. It's funny the small things you miss. I miss him painting my toenails, even though it took him every bit of 20 minutes to do it, I still miss that. I even miss his stupid conversation starter "guess what", even though it pissed me off, I miss it. Oh well, I'm sure I will find someone else that has little qualities that will make me forget his, but it just can't come soon enough.

I went shopping again today and I seen the girl he cheated with's best friend. I just kinda looked at her and wondered what she thought of me. I didn't say anything, I didn't do anything, just wondered what she was thinking. You know, cheating gets a really weird reaction from some people. My ex met alot of people through me. People that he benefited from. He got his job through one of my good friends. I didn't get anything like that from him. The only thing I could get from the people I met through him are drugs....and since I don't do drugs, thats kinda pointless. Anyway, he told my friend he works with that he cheated on me. Someone who I consider like a brother to me and my friend's reaction was, "hey, it happens everyday". That really hurt to know my friend didn't defend me. Well, the tables have turned on him, his girl cheated....but hey, I guess it happens everyday. Now he feels my pain. I do feel bad for him, but its hard to comfort someone who didn't defend me. I guess its a guys code or something. My girl friends would never do that to me. Course, if he would have seen me crying, he probably would have reacted differently.

Anyway, I would like to think that I made him a better person while I was with him. I pushed him to be better, to want more out of life. If it will stick, I don't know, but at least I made another contribution to better the world. It's hard to fix someone that broken though.....