Big mountain, baby steps...

As you can tell by my last post, I kinda got hit hard by the realization that it was truly over. I even went to the extent to send him an email asking for him to tell me that there was nothing we can do to make it work. That was yesterday morning. By the middle of day, I realized he didn't owe that to me. I just needed to let it go and deal with it on my own. I've been on my own for a while, why do I need to see him and break my heart again. So I emailed him back and told him never mind. That was hard but it's what I needed to do. Closure is over-rated. No matter what he said to me, I am still gonna be sad and depressed. I'm mourning the death of a meaningful relationship and it's only natural for me to be sad.

Last night I took some baby steps to get over the big mountain. I removed myself from a group that we were in together. I can't have that consent reminder. I also deleted his number from my phone. I guess that is a big hurdle to overcome. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I never want to speak to him again, but right now I just need to move on. I need to quit checking my phone to see if he's called. I did write it down and put it in a safe place so that when I'm ready to just be friends, maybe I'll call him. But I believe that will be a long while down the road.

The cleansing has begun and although I am extremely sad, I am happy to see myself starting to look to the future as an 'I' instead of a 'We'. I caught myself still including him in my future plans... I guess thats denial... but I'm finally going to move on. Up the mountain.

I've been here before and things only get better....