36 hours and counting....

Well, I've made it the first 36 hours of the breakup. I have only had 4 hours of depression, 30 minutes of thinking I'm a loser, and 1 hour of being pissed off. I think I'm doing really really good. Don't get me wrong, I do miss him like crazy, but the missing feeling is better than the 'you're-a-piece-of-crap' feeling. My friend told me to make a list of WHY it was right to end it. I'm gonna try to do that.

I found out some new information also. I guess while I was out of town for my brother's wedding, he went to a bar with another girl. I know most of you will think he was cheating.....well, in all honesty, I know the girl. If he did, he was taking a huge step down so the piece of information did not cut me too bad. She is actually the one who really finalized the breakup.

I didn't break up with him for inviting another girl over, I broke up with him for putting me down last week. The girl was just the straw that broke the camel's back. I deserve more respect than that. He says he's not dating her or whatever but you know, he will and again, I will be right. She is probably the only person that would ever marry him and put up with his crap forever and that's sad...for her.

It's time to live for Lisa. I've almost forgotten what that is like. I'm not searching for anyone. I'm gonna do my own thing and when I'm ready for someone to walk into my life, so be it. Right now it's Lisa time.

The WHY I DID THE RIGHT THING list
1. I couldn't be myself with him. He hated everything about the real Lisa.
2. I deserve better than to be told I'm not a good person.
3. His drinking. He has a problem and I couldn't fix it.
4. His mood swings. I never knew if it was gonna be a good day or a bad day.
5. His temper. He scared me sometimes. No one should be scared of the one they love.
6. His selfishness. Do you know he didn't even look at my pictures from the wedding? He didn't even care about me.
7. His gambling problem. It was getting better in the end but I don't think it was completely gone.
8. He didn't know me at all. He said I wasn't a good friend, most of my friends will protest that one.
9. His need to be in control. When he was gone on the weekends, he wanted me to stay home and do nothing.
10. His jealousy. Every trip I made home created a fight. I went home to cheat on him everytime. Yeah right.


Well, that's the list. I could probably add more to it but those things really bothered me. I guess they don't bother me now. Well, stick around because I'm sure I'm gonna be on a roller coaster from emotional hell. If anything, you can get a good laugh out of it.

So my friend roush guy is taking me to see "CARS" tonight. He's a great friend and I don't know what I would do without him. See, I'm not a bad person, people still love me.