Need understanding....

OK, it's been two and a half weeks since the break up. I'm still doing good. But I have been doing alot of thinking. I'm still waiting for the "talk" from the ex. He did email me and give me a preview of what is to come, if it ever comes... Of course the email got me thinking. So here it goes... my thoughts...

First of all, I believe I am a great catch. Someone should be happy to have me and enjoy their time with me. I am funny, loyal, and I have a great personality. I am not shy and I'm not scared to laugh at myself. I love to see people laugh and smile, and I hope that I can do that for them. I am a good friend. If I'm needed I will be there. I will listen (even though I'm not exceptionally good at it, when I need to step it up, I do) and I will give advice. I will also understand why a friend does something that others think they shouldn't. e.g. staying with someone. I will stand by that friend for that reason, I am a friend. Now, on the other hand, not everyone is a friend to me. You must earn my trust and friendship. I'm not a friend just because I know you.

Second, all the above being said, I DO realize that I am a difficult person to be with. I am not the total victim in all my break ups like reading this blog would have you believe. I have my fair share of flaws but since this is MY blog to make ME feel better, I choose not to place blame on me. When I'm dating someone, I guess I am not easy to talk to. I don't know why I'm not, but I'm not. I need a huge jolt to get me to actually listen to the other person and comprehend what it is they are trying to say. I take things that are said and hear them the wrong way, seeing them as an attack on my personal self. I take everything to heart. Even if the person tries to explain, I cannot hear the explaination because I'm angered by my first thought. I am a very bossy person who likes to have things her way. In my past relationship, I did learn to compromise on some things. More so than ever before. I guess that comes with growing older. I realize that those reading this who know me, understand what I'm saying. It's kinda like a great person comes with great flaws also. Me, I'm flawed and I push people away.

Don't take this post as me trying to blame myself for everything that's happened to me. I just need people to understand that the guys I have dated are not horrible people. Actually they are very good people or I wouldn't have dated them in the first place. And the reason we couldn't make it was the combination of both person's. My lack to listen and their lack to stand up for themselves and make me listen.

I hope everyone understands what I'm trying to say. Don't judge someone by my opinion. It's exactly that....mine...