Throwin' out the past....

OK, so today I woke up alittle down in the dumps. Reality hit me. I don't have a job, I don't have any money, and I hate where I'm at. So I applied to a bunch of places online, did laundry and chatted with my Army guy. He does put a smile on my face. He even asked me to move down there and stay with him. He said I wouldn't have to worry about money. It was really sweet but then again, we don't know eachother that well yet.

So, anyway, I started cleaning out some drawers today. I had packed up all the all the exes memories a long long time ago. No, I didn't go through it. I didn't even think about it. But as I was cleaning out the drawer, I came across four cards he had given me. One was really sweet. It must have been on a day when I was down, kinda like today, and he gave me a card. Inside he wrote 24 things that he liked about me. OK, most were really dumb, and I see that now, but I remember what a smile he put on my face that day. I wish I had that now. Not him, but someone to lean on. The more I dug in the drawer, the very last thing I pulled out was about 10 copies of the same picture of me and him. OK, yeah, that hurt. An aquaintance called me last night and she mentioned that I made a good choice dating him because he is very attractive. Not really what I wanted to hear because all the bad of him has tarnished him in my eyes...forever. Even in that picture where I was soo in love with him, he seemed... I don't know, shadowy I guess. Like you could see in his eyes that he didn't care to hurt me. I was just some stupid lovesick pup. Ha, that picture made me see how weak I really was. Stupid.

Anyway, I'm taking another trip to Charlotte next week. If my Bud doesn't go with me, then I will probably drive over and see my Army guy. Stay with him for a couple of days. He suggested a couple of months but I think that would be pushing it. I hope to find something this time and an apartment. That's my main concern. Finding a place. Then finding just any job to get me by. I need to be where I want to be, not here. This place is eating me alive...slowly, piece by piece.

Well, since it's been awhile since I last posted I guess I should fill you in on what's been going on. I went to an interview in Huntington, WV but it wasn't worth my drive. Then, Saturday night I went to a party. I had to get up early the next morning so I didn't stay long. I did win a couple games of beer pong. I'm proud of that. I ran into some old friends from high school which was cool. Mr. Taken was there with his new girlfriend... They make a cute couple...hehehehhee...not... Oh well, he didn't want me. Now he has her..hehehehehe... OK, so I shouldn't laugh, it's just kinda funny for me. The next day I went to a Cincinnati Reds game with my Bud. We had a good time at the game. The drive to and from was hell but the game was awesome. This week has been pretty lame. I haven't gotten any calls, except from my Army guy which is really nice and nothing exciting has happened. I guess that's why I'm down. I do have a couple of charm orders though. That's some cash right there.

So, I guess I'll wrap up this pity party I'm having for myself. I do believe that I am worth so much more than what this area can offer me. I know that sounds conceded but I believe that in my heart. I believe people are threatened by me because I have a voice and when I speak I am heard. People listen and people follow. I know I'm intelligent and I know I can make the world a better place one piece at a time. And I'm glad I have that kind of faith in myself. Especially on days that I'm down......