Getting very hard... I hate goodbyes

Wow, OK, so it's getting really hard. This morning I woke up and did the same thing I've done every morning for the last 13 years, I did my chores. I fed my horse, dogs, ducks, turtles. And I realized, I won't be doing this anymore. I won't hear my horse snicker at me while I'm making my way to the barn. I won't have the cold noses on my dogs right on my hands as I'm walking to the barn. I won't hear the quacks or see the bobbing heads of my turtles anymore. This is very sad for me. I can call my family and friends and talk to them on the phone, I can't do that with my pets. I know they will be in good hands, it just sucks that I have to leave them behind to follow my dreams. I also had lunch with some of my closest friends. That was hard too. I didn't break down, but I wanted to. To see the concern and love on the faces of people you really care about really means something. They will miss me but they know this is what I have wanted and what is best for me. I couldn't hug her when I walked away. That would have been too hard.

I received an email from a friend who truly believes in me. At my lowest times, he has spared advice and knowledge and kind words to me. He has so much belief in me that I feel I could do anything in his eyes. That means soo much to me. I have never got that kind of support from family or even friends. He is the only one who makes me believe in myself. I owe him a lot. He doesn't even know how much he has affected my life. If I ever won an OSCAR, I would definitely thank him!!!

My bud spent the day with me. He gave me a hug before he left. That made me cry. I went and said bye to my Grandma, even though she's ticked me off before, I still love her and she's like a best friend to me. I couldn't hug her either, I left quickly so she couldn't see me cry. When I got back home, my mother was home so I went to the barn. I didn't want her to see me cry, but she came out and hugged me and we cried together. I have to stay strong for my dad because my world ends when I see him cry. In 12 hours I will no longer call this house my home. I will be out on my own in a new city full of possiblities. I will suffer and smile all for the better!! I am excited but I do want everyone to know, each one of you (friends, family and such) has affected me in one way or another to be the person I am today and to have the strength to go it on my own. I appreciate every one of you and I will never ever forget any of you.

Don't worry, I will keep posting on the blog, I will keep making charms, I will cracking jokes... I will just be in zip 28115. Email me, I will still reply....when I get a place that is... So, I will keep a journal until I get a place and I will post everything when I get my computer set up. Stay posted and wish me luck!!